Lewnah's Spiritual Journey (Part 2)

Life Coach, Mental Illness, and a Mythical Octopus

       After years of therapy I decided a good place to start my journey for answers was with a life coach.  I found the perfect one on meetup.com under Healing Shamanism, Hypnotic Healing Services. I booked an appointment with D. Kathleen Simonds.

      Kathleen guided me through some introductory questions about my therapy, bi-polar disorder, depression and treatment. She then guided me through a few relaxing exercises. Afterwards we got down to business.

Kathleen: “So are you ready to tackle some of your fears? I am going to ask you a couple questions and I want you to answer with whatever first comes to you?”

 

Me: “Okay, I am ready.”

Kathleen: “What scares you?”

Me: “Failing, success.”

Kathleen: “What else?”

Me: “Not reaching my true potential, egotism, self-doubt, overindulging and staying in one place.”

Kathleen: “Okay put your hands out and put each fear in your hands. Feel which one’s the heaviest.”

I did this until the heaviest fear was not reaching my true potential. 

Kathleen: “Good now what about that scares you?” 

Me: “I’m scared that I’ll never be satisfied because I’ve felt what I am capable of and if I ignore it I’ll always know it was there.”

Kathleen: “What about that scares you?”

Me: “My family. If I always feel that I have let myself down, how can I truly be the best that I can be for my family.” 

Kathleen: “Good. Now what do you see if you never reach your true potential?”

Me: “I see an empty shell”

Kathleen: “What do you think will happen if you become that empty shell?”

Me: “Just a dark emptiness. Nothing’s coming to mind.”

Kathleen smiled.

Kathleen: “Okay. Don’t let go of that nothingness. Now I’m going to guide you through this. Go deep into that nothingness. What do you see?”

Me: “Darkness. Now I’m in the ocean. It’s real deep”

Kathleen: “What’s in the ocean?”

Me: “A keyhole deep in the ocean.”

Kathleen: “What do you see in there?”

Me: “I see a huge giant octopus starring back at me through the key hole.”

   Kathleen: “Now I want you to ask the octopus what it’s doing in there”

Time to man up, I thought and so as silly as I felt I spoke out loud to him.

Me: “Hello mister octopus. What are you doing in there? It’s not saying anything. Its eye is turning red. It’s petrifying.”

  I had to open my eyes, I was terrified.

Kathleen: “Right now I want you to call upon whatever makes you feel safe and surround yourself with that.”

No one had asked me that before so I had to think what truly makes me feel safe and it hit me. 

Me: “Nature”  

                                         

Kathleen: “Good. Close your eyes and surround yourself with nature and take that down with you to the octopus.”

Me: “I see the key hole and the red eye staring at me. I feel a lot less scared but he still isn’t saying anything.” 

I opened my eyes again.

Kathleen came over and held my hands in hers. Okay close your eyes and think about the octopus. I am going to talk to it?”

At this point I was ready for anything so I said “Okay.”

Kathleen: “Hello Mr. Octopus.” 

The voice she used with the octopus sounded like one people use on children’s shows like Sesame Street, sweet and innocent. Soon the huge octopus became small and whimsical. I described it to her and we laughed.

Kathleen: “Good. Now, hi Mr. Octopus what’s that in your hand?”

Kathleen introduced something that wasn’t there but soon something magically appeared.

Me: “The octopus has a harpoon in one of its tentacles.”

Kathleen: “What do you plan on doing with that?” 

Me: “He shot the harpoon up all the way to the sun and pierced it into millions of glistening sun particles. They are pouring out of it onto the surface of the ocean, lighting it up. The octopus is giggling.”

Kathleen: “That was beautiful Mr. Octopus what does that mean?”

Me: “The octopus took off. I am following him to a cave.”

Kathleen: “Stop! Now, do you want to go in?” 

        

“Yes” I said. I felt safe. So I followed him in.

            Me: “He led me to a cave filled with treasure.”

                                

         Kathleen: “What in all this treasure do you want to show us Mr. Octopus?”

Me: “He picked up a huge king’s crown. I don’t want to think of crowns and things of that nature. I feel it’s egotistical and that scares me.”

Kathleen: “Okay Mr. Octopus what can she do to make that less scary?”

Me: “He threw the crown as if it were garbage. Then he waved his tentacle around at all the rest of the treasure in the room.”

“You silly little octopus.” I said.

Kathleen: “Now what in this pile of treasure should she focus on?”

Me: “He’s showing me a huge portrait in a golden frame. Images of my family are flickering on it but I can’t make out any one image.” 

Kathleen: “Mr. Octopus what should we see?’

Me: “Slowly my mom’s picture is getting larger. Now it’s the only one left.”

 Tears started to form in my eyes and my chest started to heat up.

Kathleen: “What do you want to say to her?”

I was crying like a baby. “I want to tell her that I love her and that I am not doing this to hurt her. I’m doing this because this is her cave of treasure too.” 

         I opened my eyes and we were both crying. We were still holding hands but now we could feel them vibrating with energy. She asked me if I wanted to try and talk to the other octopus behind the keyhole. I said I did but I wasn’t ready. She agreed. Then she gave me the name of a chi gong teacher who could teach me to maneuver my energy. She thought it would be a good next step for me. I thanked her for her guidance and gave her a hug.

I love you mom. I am off to train so that I can ask a mythical red eyed octopus, behind a key hole, what it wants…………………

Peace, Love, and Adventure


~  Lewnah

                               

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